Recently, I’ve been feeling scared

I’m not entirely sure the reasons why, but the past week or two I’ve been feeling a little bit afraid.  Afraid of depression sneaking in in it’s little insidious ways that it has a tendency of doing.  Through the back door, through the cracks, I’m not quite sure where it’s going to sneak through, but I’ve been nervous that’s it’s there lurking waiting for the opportunity to strike again.

I took on this whole new way of life, this whole new positive attitude and happiness journey about 7 months ago.  Letting go of depression and negativity.  I’m not stupid and unaware.  I know that bipolar is a chemical thing and that I need to take medication for it.  I am doing that.  I’m still seeing a therapist, although not weekly at the moment.  The attitude change, well, I just feel good all over, I feel happy and at peace with life.

I spend time in prayer, working on gratitude, being around positive minded people.  I read uplifting books.  I focus on the good things in my life and let the more negative things slide off from me, and if they seem to want to stick around, I write them out or talk them out with someone.

Pain.  I’ve been in pain, physical pain, both my knee and my back, for weeks now.  It is affecting my blood glucose.  Now it is beginning to have a bit of an affect on my stress level.  It’s not really surprising it is having an effect on my stress, it is effecting the things I am physically able to do, and my limitations.  I’ve enjoyed having less physical limitations because of less physical pain.

So, is the darkness going to come again?  Do I worry now that this is going to come because I’m in pain and my stress level is rising?  How do I deal with this now?  I guess for now the answer is to be aware, to write, to talk it through with a friend or a professional, and to keep focusing on the happy and the good and to continue to pray.

I can also, ask you, my friend, to pray, or send good thoughts, positive energy, whatever it is you do that the darkness does not come over me again.  Thank you.

#3goodthings

1) Pets that like to cuddle when you need to nap

2) Kids that text back when you text to say “I love you”

3) Friends who love you even when your a crab all day

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